Tag: pandemic

Change is the Only Constant

Three hundred and sixty-some days. A year of a pandemic, lived, survived, now behind us; onto the next.

I gained weight, lost weight, didn’t leave the house for days on end, watched approximately all of Netflix, created Calvin and Hobbes collage remixes for 100 days, walked miles and miles, read more than 20 books, ran a 5K, finished two art journals, ate and slept and went to the grocery store (and sometimes Target as a treat) and worked from home every single day.

I saw my family four whole times.

In the midst of all this, I’ve been thinking a lot about change. There’s some poetry in that, as we’re marking the anniversary of the pandemic, spring is arriving.

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Change is always hard, even if it’s for the better; it requires us to be open to growth and prepared for discomfort. Choosing change, or being forced into it, requires commitment and vulnerability and hope, and faith that it will all work out. (As Anaïs Nin famously wrote, “And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”)

In the depths of 2020, I read Octavia E. Butler’s Parable of the Sower and Parable of the Talents (both here). Based in a future in the midst of a climate-change-driven apocalypse, the main character builds a religion rooted in and defined by change:

God is Change— Seed to tree, tree to forest; Rain to river, river to sea; Grubs to bees, bees to swarm. From one, many; from many, one; Forever uniting, growing, dissolving— forever Changing. The universe is God’s self-portrait.

In this moment, the world is showing us just how beautiful change can be.

Three hundred and sixty some days later, and the world is still spinning, and change is still constant, and hope still springs eternal.

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Here’s the Thing

Between a pandemic and relentless capitalist culture — and also this question of “What is your quarantine masterpiece?” that still lingers over my head a year into COVID — I am getting increasingly frustrated with the idea of being consistently productive in the face of such overwhelming circumstances.

In his newsletter last week, Austin Kleon shared this video by Ali Abdaal (titled, not subtly, “How Writing Online Made me a Millionaire”). Yes, Ali’s thoughts are interesting and helpful and inspiring…

… but this still emphasizes an end product that is the result of extreme focus, and at this point in time I find it laughably depressing. If you do everything I do, maybe you can find even find your life partner, Ali says in the video above. Okay.

During the pandemic, I have mastered the art of stacking dirty dishes high in the sink. My cats are still alive. Netflix has been nearly conquered. Most of the time, both my day pajamas and the night pajamas are clean.

Sometimes I paint. Sometimes (maybe once a month, if I’m feeling it) I journal.

And most of the time, I feel like I’m failing, wasting time, and that I need to be more productive in order to prove my worth.

So — to Austin and Ali and everyone else who is driven and consistent and has a huge amount of work to show for it: I am seriously impressed. And sure, I am jealous. And I’ll get there someday, but for now, I’m going to keep myself and my furry companions alive and get through as best I can.

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Things of Note, 2020

In no particular order, and inspired by Austin Kleon and Malaka Gharib:

  • Rescuing baby rats from my car engine and a stray cat from my sidewalk. Meeting my neighbors and graciously accepting their help. Adapting to a new normal, zoomies and all.
  • Reading more than 20 books, including Deacon King Kong, Where the Crawdads Sing, Zealot, Parable of the Sower, and Austin Kleon’s trilogy.
  • Focusing on my mental and physical health. Shedding 20 pounds. Resuming therapy. Running a 5K.
  • Reuniting with my fiancé for the first time in 10 months because of the pandemic. Climbing Koenigswinter. Exploring the empty botanical garden in the rain. Playing Secret of Mana. NYE in three languages.
  • Connecting with other artists. Weekly art nights with Viv. Live art journaling with Katie Licht. Austin Kleon on Zoom. Malaka Gharib zine workshop.
  • Going on daily walks. Seeing goldfinches on thistle and the Saturn/Jupiter conjunction. Taking an accidental six-mile hike at Lake Roland. Getting to know the neighborhood dogs by sight.
  • Dad beating cancer and celebrating his 60th. Flying kites on the beach. Orange crushes. Mini golf in masks.
  • Exploring new interests and establishing new habits. Starting a logbook. Using the Clever Fox planner for the first time. Obsessing over Elvis and learning how to play “Don’t be Cruel” on the guitar.
  • Seeing my mom for the first time in a year. Bailey. Walking in the rain at Long’s Park. Sharing food on the front porch.
  • Visiting friends safely. Watching Hocus Pocus on a projector screen outside. Walking with Liz and Micaela. Thanksgiving with the Gramcocks.
  • Creating COVID & HOBBES and keeping it up for 100 days. Finally finishing the Busy Day Book art journal.
  • Practicing random acts of kindness. Supporting BLM and those struggling because of COVID. Providing transportation for a stranded family in the middle of July. Helping with a pharmacy bill.
  • Getting an iPad.
  • Obsessing over Elvis and learning “Don’t be Cruel” on guitar.
  • Bearing a long and stressful election season and celebrating its conclusion with friends. Starting the February debate inside sharing food and watching the last debate outside in masks. Taking a walk when the election was finally called, and grabbing food in the evening.
  • Supporting artists: Emma Howell, Aydin Hamami, Emily Cucalon, Tyler Thrasher, Se7en Captures, Mona Schaffer, Pamela J. Bates, Chocolate and Steel, Stacey Bradley, JennyJen42.
  • Receiving surprise mail from Jana Clinard Harris. Cards from my stepmom and notes from my cousin. Care packages. Collecting more handwritten notes.
  • Pre-COVID outings: Dad’s gallery show in York, PA. Seeing Wicked at the Hippodrome. Visiting the History of Black Abstract Art exhibit at the BMA.
  • Creatively engaging with loved ones from afar. Family games over Zoom. Surprise virtual birthday party planned by my brother. Long calls with Amin. Regular check-ins with elementary school classmates and reconnecting with old friends.
  • Challenging perfectionism and the fear of starting.
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